Saturday, July 29, 2006
Yesterday, my classmate were discussing what dress code should we wear on our party on the 15th week. They suggests Retro Style, in my mind I can't think what will happen on that day as everyone wearing the 70's style. It's just so weird.
One of my frend look grumphy today, he doesn't look like his normal behaviour. I wanted to ask him what happen but he wasn't on9 so I didn't get the chance to ask him. During the 1st meeting break, my gfs told me that she knw what happen to my grumphy face looking frend. He love one gurl but the gurl was attach with another guy. Then she suggests that I look at his blog and I told her I will look at it when I'm free.
So as I had promise her that I would look at his blog, to my surprise I didn't know he was an emotion type of guy as I always saw him laughing and joking around. When I read his story, I knew I will cry any moment and deep in my heart knows that this stupid frend of mine is fallen too deep for the gurl and from what I had read. It seems to me that the gurl was afraid to fall for him as she's attach and she knows her bf isn't a nice guy to mess around with. That's why she can't break off with her bf no matter what happen as she loves that guy first and they been hard times together. She also doesn't like the people her bf mixed with as she knows they are bad people but it leaves her no choice to voice it out as she's just his gf and not his wife. She also doesn't have the right to tell him what kind of people he should befriends with. That's why she cries and it makes my frend heart ache plus he wanted to cry along with the girl but deep in his heart he can't cried out as the girl really needs is a guy whom she can trusted on to let her cry on his shoulder.
My friend story was sad but as he writes it, he stated that he doesn't know what love means??? My dear friend, Love is an energy that gives you the power to do things that you doesn't dared to do and Love is a bond that bring you closer with the person you love. Love will makes us do stupid things and Love is blind. Let me tell you the story of me and a guy I love.
I still remembers it as if it just happen a month ago. My camp was having a party and everyone was enjoying the time we have as it was the first few weeks we have been in the camp. My friends and I was busy taking picture with each other and teachers. When we done photo taking, the teacher blast song and we all enjoy listening to the music. While I was chatting with Safone, "my malay friend " Praba cuts in our convosation, he ask me do I remember that he got told me that he has a friend who wants to know me but don't dared to come near me. I told him yeah! and he intro me to that guy and his name was Kean. Then I grab my girlfriend, Tracey and intro her to Kean. We chatted for awhile.
From that times onwards, we becomes friend and we will chat with each other whenever we met. Deep in my heart I knpw that, he wasn't the kind of guy I like so we weren't so close at all. As time passby, from no feelings for each other we didn't know that we had begin to fall for each other. I still remember when he confess that he loves me was when me and other frendz were talking outside of class as the classes just end. Both of us were standing opp each other and my other frendz standing beside me talkin, out of the blue, he says the 3 words. I was stunned with his confess and I tot he was jokin with me but he says he wasn't jkin and it was real. Then I pull Tracey and walkaway, while we were walkin Tracey ask me what's wrong and I told her that Kean confess to me. She was so happy for me but I was scared. You want to know why, I'm afraid if I involve in this relationship I wasn't sure that I willing to let him go after 3 months and we know it can be puppy love.
Once he makes me angry, I told myself that I didn't talk with him and won't even bother him if I saw him around the camp. He tried to talk to me but I don't want to reply him and I look away. Tracey told me he was quite hurt and I told her if he didn't apologise to me for what he had makes me angry. Don't even think I will forgive him. She wents and told him what I had told her. He says he was willing to apologise to me as he doesn't want me to be angry with him.
So on the Kayaking day, I was playing around with my MOyang DIn and he went and find Kean for his protection. Moyang told him that his friend has gone crazy and I told Kean that if he protects him I won't talk with him. He quickly stand aside and let me hit Moyang. Tracey told me that Kean want to apologise with me and he even willing to drop on his knees and say sorry. So I told her I will accept his apology and she quickly pulls me to Kean. She hold my hand tightly as she knows that I will runaway from them. She gives Kean a signal and ask him to say sorry. Kean turn to face me and say sorry a lots of time* i think* Then I told him apology accepted. He was so happy.
From that day onwards both of us been closer and don't know what makes the other Chinese guys knows that Kean likes me and I like him. One of my friend told me that there's another girl likes him but he didn't like her. They says he likes me and I know it but pretend to be unknown to it. Once it was Sunday night, I and my friends were eating cup noodles in the canteen. We saw him and he walks toward our table. To my surprise, when he arrives there he choose the seat next to me not opposite me or next to my friend. He didn't chat with them but chat with me and ask me questions. Suddenly, his mobile ring and he picks up. He told me he was talking with his sister. In their convosation, I heard he told his sister that he loves one girl and he says that she sits next to him. Out of the blues, he says his sister wants to talk with me and I say don't want but he insist that his sis want to talk with me so I just say hi and listen.
Time pass so fast that 4 weeks before the NS ends, half of the camp people is going back home to get ready for form 6 and he was one of them as he's an excell student in his school. When that day arrives, I feel so sad that he is going home and we did talk for awhile before they board the bus. When they were q-ing up for the bus, he call my handphone and told me that he loves me and miss me. I told the samething too. After that we didn't meet each other till Aug.
Shirley and I plans to meet up for movies, she suggests to ask Kean along so I say okey as we don't know he is free or not. To my surprise he says he's free and will be meeting us for movies. When it was the day we supposed to meet up, he says that he will be a bit late so I and Shirley walks around the shopping centre. He arrives a quarter to 12 in the noon and he looks a lot handsome now as he got style his hair. He was shock to see me wears skirt. Three of us planning where to go for lunch and both of them suggests Nandos Chicken. It's my first time there and I wasn't sure what to order. So I only order 1/4 chicken and drinks. While we were chatting, he suddenly told us that he got hepatitis C and he's going to Study at Australia on mid 2007 for his degree.
I was shock that he got sickness. But hides my feeling from him. After lunch we went for movies, while waiting for the theater to be cleans up. I told him to helps Shirley hold the bag as it was heavy and he's a guy, he should help her. He listen to me and he help her hold the bag. When the it's time for us to enter the theather, he sits in the middle of both of us so that Shirley can pinch him when she's scared. While we were watching the movies, there's part that scary and he was afraid as well. When the movie ends, we were talking bout it and I told Shirley that he was also afraid of horror movies. Then 3 of us laugh and that was the last time I see him.
Early Mac this year, SHirley and my lil sis encourage me to tell that I love him but I don't dare as I know he will reject me as he's sick. And they still ask me go for it so I agree with them. I sms him and told him that I love him and my prediction was correct, he told me he wants us to maintain friendship and he wants to study first. Deep in my heart, I know that he says this because he is sick and doesn't want to involve in relationship.
So now, compare mine and my frend, I'm more heartbreak then him. At least he still can wait for the girl but me, I don't know whether we can be together or not. And I don't know whether it's true he is diagnose with Hep C or not. I don't think I will fall in love again soon, it takes time for me to heal my scar.
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10:08 PM
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